“I felt like a very, very empty vessel,” Springsteen said
Bruce Springsteen revealed details about his own struggle with mental health.
Esquire magazine , Springsteen discussed his first depressive episode at age 32. It happened during the release of "Nebraska" in 1982. Even though he still doesn't know what triggered the episode, Springsteen said that his childhood played a role.
All I know is that as we age, the weight of our remaining baggage grows… much heavier. For a long time, the defense I built to overcome the stress of my childhood, to save what little I had of myself, has remained more than necessary. I have become an abuser of the powers that once saved my life.
I wrongly trusted them to isolate me, seal my alienation, cut me off from life, control others, and suppress my emotions to a toxic degree. Now, the debt collector is knocking at the door, and the payment will be in tears
As a teenager, discovering music helped him combat earlier stages of depression. Springsteen's father also suffered from the illness, and their relationship was difficult.
“In my childhood and adolescence, I felt like a very, very empty vessel. And it wasn’t until I started filling it with music that I began to feel my personal power and my impact on my friends and the world I was in. I began to feel who I was. But it came from a place of real loneliness.”
He continued: “My mother was loving and empathetic to the feelings of others. She went through life with purpose, but gently, lightly. These were the things that aligned with my own spirit. I was like that. It came naturally to me. But my father saw this as weakness. He was very dismissive of who I was. And that takes you on an eternal journey of overcoming.”
Now, Springsteen says he knows the signs of mental disorders and recognizes them quickly. “I was so close to mental illness that I wasn’t completely myself. I had to deal with it a lot over the years. I take a variety of medications that keep me balanced. Otherwise, I can swing dramatically and the foundations can give way a little. So, we need to keep an eye on it, in our family. I have to keep an eye on my children. I’ve been lucky with that. It seems like the illness has gone away from our family.”
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