Your head spins, your neurons explode in accelerated synapses, your heart races, you lose your footing, until 'The Revelation' comes and you finally understand what's happening."
28 seconds
By Daniel Dystyler
Americans call it the "Moment of Revelation." In Portuguese, it would be something like "O Momento de Revelação."
It happens at various points in our lives, but it's in cinema that it seems incredibly easy to evoke this feeling. There are several films where this "Moment of Revelation" sensation occurs.
It's a really cool feeling. For a second, your head spins, your neurons explode in accelerated synapses, your heart races, you lose your footing, until 'The Revelation' itself comes and you finally understand what's happening and you're back on solid ground. It's exhilarating.
This feeling is present in films such as Fight Club , The Sixth Sense, The Usual Suspects, Rear Window (Hitchcock, incidentally, includes "Moments of Revelation" in almost all of his films), The Shining (in the famous scene where the wife looks at what her husband has written), The Illusionist (in the final scene with Paul Giamatti), and more recently in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Finally, these are some of the films I can remember off the top of my head where that "Revelation Moment" feeling happens. And there's one film in particular that's incredible because the feeling happens several times: Game with Michael Douglas.
Okay, let's forget about those "Moments of Revelation" for a few minutes and delve into the story I want to tell...
6:00 PM. I Remember Now
It's 6 PM sharp.
Nikki is hospitalized in a catatonic state, staring blankly into space.
The TV in the room is on, but he doesn't even hear the news report about the wave of assassinations of religious and political leaders that has devastated the city recently. A wave of crimes that ended as mysteriously as it began. No one has been arrested and no terrorist group has claimed responsibility for the murders.
A nurse enters the room and administers the injections and medication Nikki needs. He doesn't even move. He doesn't even blink. And the nurse reveals what she thinks of him:
"Sweet dreams... You son of a bitch...".
So we delve into Nikki's mind and what he's thinking:
“I remember now… I remember how it all began… I can’t remember yesterday. I only remember doing what they told me to do… What they told me to do… They told me to…”
And so we begin a journey through Nikki's memories, in a flashback that will speak of love, revolution, sex, corruption, religion, death, power, betrayal, greed, and madness.
And so the story begins…
“Do we have freedom? Do we have equality? (NO!)”
United States. Crisis. Politicians completely consumed by corruption. Chaos. Sex is used as a bargaining chip to secure alliances and favors, no longer something that creates an intimate bond between lovers. Social inequality. Anger. Strikes. Revolt. A population increasingly desperate.
And then, in the midst of this chaos, a leader emerges… A man who makes passionate speeches about how things should and could be different. Speeches about freedom. About equality. About how the world would be a better place if politicians were worthy. And now, there is only one way to achieve this better world: A complete and devastating revolution is necessary.
This man… This leader… Let's just call him Doctor X, and he's calling the masses to this revolution. The revolution against the established chaos.
“For a price I'd do about anything, except pull the trigger. For that I'd need a pretty good cause”
Nikki is a young man who is unemployed, uneducated, and addicted to drugs.
Without hope for a better life, he attributes his situation to the existing scenario of corruption and political and economic chaos.
So when he meets Dr. X, who speaks of a better world, a world where people can be free and equal, the hope for better days is finally reborn in Nikki's heart.
After a long time, he manages to glimpse a reason, a cause. Something to dedicate his life to, body and soul.
Besides captivating the masses immensely with his speeches, Dr. X is a leader who has a very peculiar and direct way of dealing with all those who oppose the idea of the Revolution: He eliminates those people.
Obviously, he doesn't do this personally. He has a small, select group of people who work for him as professional assassins in the service of the Revolution.
And it is into this group that Nikki will join.
“It just takes a minute and you'll feel no pain. Gotta make something of your life boy, give me one more vein”
Beyond the rhetoric of a better world and the cause being championed, Nikki joins the organization primarily to gain free access to the drugs he so desperately needs to feed his addiction.
This is one of the ways Dr. X uses to control his "hitman," who, weakened by drugs and a kind of mind control, reacts with total submission when the word "Mindcrime" is heard, like a keyword spoken to a hypnotized person.
Dr. X wields enormous power and influence over Nikki, who finally sees in "The Cause" a reason to devote her entire life to it. Dr. X's power of persuasion seems to know no bounds, especially over Nikki.
Even over the phone, simply mentioning the word "Mindcrime" will cause Nikki to carry out any death sentence issued by Dr. X.
“Let's tip the power balance and tear down their crown. Educate the masses, We'll burn the White House down”
After some time, Nikki becomes the best professional assassin Dr. X has ever had and transforms into a killing machine.
His mind, dulled by drugs and coupled with the extreme power derived from executions, makes Nikki believe even more in the "Revolution," and megalomaniacally he calls himself the "Angel of Death" and "New Messiah" who will help in Dr. X's "Cause."
Nikki believes that pulling the trigger has given him so much power that he can now solve all the country's problems. If he needs to destroy the White House, he will do it. He has no doubt that the "Revolution" is the only path to a better future and that anyone who opposes him must be eliminated.
But let's leave Nikki's story aside for a moment and get to know Mary.
“He takes her once a week, on the altar like a sacrifice”
Mary is a beautiful girl who, at 16, after suffering sexual abuse from her father for many years, decided to run away from home and live on the streets. To survive, she became a prostitute. Sadomasochistic shows, $25 clients, several clients in the same night. It's a matter of cleaning herself up and returning to the streets for what she believes is her only qualification.
At age 18, she was discovered and "saved" by Father William, who transformed her into a nun: Sister Mary.
But true to form, like all the men Mary had known in her life who had always abused her body, Father William also began to demand a price and require "services" from Mary. At the altar. As a sacrifice. He takes her every week.
Father William is a very close friend of Dr. X. Dr. X would like to thank Nikki for all the loyalty she has shown so far. Therefore, in recognition of her excellent services, Dr. X and Father William ask Sister Mary to start delivering the drugs that the city's best assassin, Nikki, needs.
And so, almost a year passes.
“I'll wait here for days longer, until the sister comes to wash my sins away. She is the lady that can ease my sorrow. She brings the only friend that helps me find my way”
What was once new and gave Nikki a feeling of absolute, almost religious power, to the point of making her feel like the New Messiah, the Angel of Death, slowly begins to weigh on Nikki's conscience.
His life has been reduced to murder and death for almost a year, and a deep depression takes hold of Nikki, who locks himself in the dark in his room. He lights candles for each of his victims.
Watching Dr. X speak on TV, he now feels disgusted by what his life has become. The "Revolution" no longer motivates him.
The only thing that keeps Nikki alive and connected to any semblance of humanity is his relationship with Sister Mary.
What began as simply a messenger bringing her drugs soon blossomed into love. Being with Sister Mary is the only thing that makes Nikki feel worthwhile emotions again.
For Nikki, Mary is her salvation. For Mary, it's more complicated. Being with a man has always been a painful and repugnant task. But for the first time in her life, Mary doesn't feel repulsed when she's with Nikki; instead, she feels affection and fondness for him.
And that's why they never had sex: She, because she only knew sex as something horrible. And he, because he respected her and didn't want to ruin or lose the only human relationship he still had.
“The only peace I've ever known. I'll close my eyes and you shoot”
Dr. X decides it's time to eliminate Father William and Sister Mary, since they both know too much about him and his methods, and evidently his best professional assassin is chosen to carry out the task: Nikki.
Nikki receives the news and is in a state of shock. Depression, his love for Mary, the drugs, the "Revolution," the feeling of power, the guilt, the "Cause"—everything becomes a whirlwind in the confused Nikki's head. He rationally fights against the effects of hypnosis and the drugs that stimulate him to carry out his mission.
Nikki wanders the streets in the rain, trying to convince himself that he is still the "New Messiah of the Revolution," and at midnight he goes to the church where Sister Mary lives to complete his mission.
Mary opens the door and is surprised to find Nikki there at that hour, late at night, and invites him in to take shelter from the rain.
Face to face with Mary, after a long internal struggle of feelings, Nikki realizes he can't carry out his mission and tells Mary what he really went there to do. To his surprise, Mary no longer wants to live after so many years of suffering and abuse. And she asks Nikki to calm her mind with drugs and shoot her.
Nikki asks Mary to be strong and not wish to die. Things will get better now that he has killed Father William, who constantly abused her. They can run away, be together, and have a new life. No deaths, no abuse. They embrace and, for the first time, make love on the altar.
He becomes numb and hopelessly in love with her. Nikki finally gets from Mary, spontaneously, what she had always been forced to offer to others.
For the first time, Nikki understands that they were both used, like rats in a laboratory. Manipulated with drugs, hypnosis, sexual domination, and other abuses by Dr. X.
The "Revolution" is an excuse that will never materialize. The "Cause" that will make the world a better place doesn't exist. What exists is the rise to power, greed, and self-interest of Dr. X.
And Nikki decides he doesn't want this life anymore. He wants to stop this madness. He wants to be with Mary. To start a new life. Without deaths. Without abuse. He wants to be happy.
This decision causes Nikki to wage a violent internal battle against the hypnotic control she has been subjected to for so long. The order was clear: "Mindcrime: Kill Mary .
For the first time, he is disobeying his mentor. It's not an easy decision. He struggles, still holding the gun. He looks at Mary and points the gun at her. And then he decides:
Enough with the deaths. He wants to be happy with her.
But for that, only one more assassination is needed. To end this "Revolution" story. He needs to stop this madness.
Just one more death. And light the last candle.
“The needle keeps calling me back to bloody my hands forever”
Determined to leave behind the so-called "Revolution" led by Dr. X, Nikki returns home to inject another dose before speaking with Dr. X. He grabs his gun and decides to meet him to tell him he can't take it anymore and is leaving the organization.
He wants a new life, alongside Mary. He wants to feel what he had just felt when he stood with her at the altar.
The phone rings at Nikki's house. He answers:
– “Hello”
– “Mindcrime”
– “I don't want it anymore! I'm out!”
– “I still have a lot of Mindcrimes for you”
– “No”
– “You'll never get out”
Nikki goes to meet Dr. X and decides to confront him, telling him she's out of the organization. That's enough for him.
Dr. X then uses his trump card, reminding Nikki that being in the "Revolution" is the only way to guarantee access to the drugs he so desperately needs and depends on. Where will he get his next dose?
Frustrated and dejected, Nikki realizes the horror of his addiction and, defeated, acknowledges that the lure of the needle is simply irresistible to him.
Unable to break free from Dr. X's control, Nikki decides to return to the church to find Mary and try to find a solution to their predicament.
While he's on his way, the phone rings at the church. Mary, extremely worried about Nikki, rushes to answer it.
– “Nikki?”
– “Good evening, Mary. It’s Dr. X.”
– “What the hell do you want with me?”
– “I’m sorry for all this. You understand, it’s nothing personal. Just business .” He uses a hypnotic tone of voice.
– “Where is Nikki? What did you do to him?” she asks, her voice already trembling and insecure.
– “I want you to do exactly what I tell you,” continues Dr. X’s hypnotic voice.
Mary enters a state of torpor, barely able to control her thoughts anymore…
– “There’s a box on the table in front of you. Open the lid and look inside. What do you see?”
– “A gun.”
– “That’s right, a gun. Take the gun out of the box and put it in your own mouth.”
– “No.” She pleads.
– “Yes. You’re going to do exactly that and pull the trigger.”
– “No.” She cries.
– “Pull the trigger.”
Mary tries to resist, but it's as if her hand has a will of its own, and at times the gun is in her mouth. She shakes her head violently as if fighting with herself. And after a few moments, the shot is fired. Blood spurts onto the painting behind her, and her body falls lifeless to the floor.
"Anybody home? Mary?"
Nikki enters the church and finds Mary dead in her room.
"Even in death, you look sad ," he thinks. Desperate, he begs her not to leave him. But it's useless.
So Nikki decides to soak her body with the alcoholic beverage he was drinking and strike a match, burning the body of the only woman he ever loved. In Nikki's mind, perhaps a way to finally free her from the body that had caused her so much pain and suffering throughout her life.
And with that act, Nikki begins her journey toward insanity.
“Nothing we shared means a thing without you close to me. I can't live without you”
Unable to cope with Mary's death and with the "Revolution" no longer a reason to live, Nikki runs away and wanders the streets.
Completely confused and lost, he searches for something, some sign, that will help him regain some purpose in his life. He seeks some meaning for his existence.
Anything he sees on the streets reminds him of Mary.
Exhausted and at the limit of his physical strength from wandering the streets for so long, Nikki decides to return to the church, perhaps to be once again in the place where he loved Mary. His mental state is already showing clear signs of instability.
"We know you did it. Why'd you do it?"
Upon entering the church, Nikki realizes the place is crowded with police officers and investigators. Given his disoriented state and his obvious connection to Mary, the police arrest and charge him, holding him responsible for Mary's death.
It's ironic that the police arrested Nikki for Mary's murder, one of the few murders he did NOT commit.
During the interrogation, Nikki's catatonic state worsens, and her mind wanders. While the police ask for details about the murder, Nikki reflects on the meaning of love and trust, verbs that took so long to emerge in her life.
Why did he have to lose his love, just when he finally found it?
Why dream of how wonderful life could be after years of nightmares and torment, if that vision will cease to exist, replaced by the eternal pain of what could have been, but wasn't?
14. MY EMPTY ROOM
“Now who will come to wash away my sins, clean my room, fix my meals, be my friend?”
Nikki is tried and convicted. And because he lost his sanity, he is declared "non compos mentis ," meaning mentally incapacitated, and therefore, Nikki is committed to a psychiatric hospital.
Nikki spends his days sitting in his room, dividing his time between complete madness and attempts to understand who he is, what really happened, and the reason for the tragedy his life has become.
Thousands of times he returns and imagines himself in the church, beside Mary's lifeless body, trying to imagine what would become of his life after all that had happened.
This is where our flashback began, and this is where it ends. We're back in the present.
“And I raise my head and stare into the eyes of a stranger. I've always known that the mirror never lies”
Every night in the psychiatric hospital, the nightmares return to torment him. He wakes up startled, always with the image of Mary's face.
Nikki wonders if this is all that's left of her life: straitjackets, sedatives, nightmares, medication, and none of the happy endings they always promised.
The only good things left were the memories of what he had in his hands during those fleeting moments that are now gone.
Looking at her reflection in the bedroom mirror, Nikki realizes she no longer recognizes it. It has become a complete stranger. She can't even look in the mirror, afraid of what lies behind the stranger's gaze.
And so ends the story I wanted to tell.
At least, the first part of the story ends. We'll have to move forward 18 years in time, until the day Nikki is discharged from the psychiatric hospital and begins her journey to find Dr. X again.
A journey of revenge. A journey in search of something to fill the void left in her soul. A journey I will tell another day (Queensrÿche waited exactly 18 years to release the second and final part of Nikki and Dr. X's captivating story. I hope it won't take me that long).
But to conclude the first part of the story, one thing has always intrigued me greatly at the end of "Operation: Mindcrime" :
Why did the band bother to include that 28-second sequence at the end of the album? It's 28 seconds that basically retell the entire story of the album in super fast-paced fashion. You can hear the main moments of the story in those 28 seconds with references to practically every track on the album: “Mindcrime!” “Speak!” “And welcome…” “Revolution calling!” “Do we have freedom? (NO!) ”
I've always wondered what this meant. Why bother including those final 28 seconds? What's the reason? Nobody bothers to create this kind of montage without a specific reason. What message did they want me to see that I'm not seeing?
Then I looked at the Livecrime liner notes and saw something written… 3 numbers and 2 letters. And then it finally happened: My moment of revelation… My head spun, my neurons exploded in accelerated synapses, my heart raced, and I finally understood. There it was, written after the last song:
6:01 PM
The story's narrative begins at precisely 6:00 and ends at 6:01. All these memories, organized in such detail and chronologically, were Nikki's thoughts during 60 seconds in the hospital. Our entire journey through Nikki's flashback—the chaos, the revolution, the crimes, the speeches, Mary, the mission, the love, the church, the deaths, the interrogation, the drugs—all happened in Nikki's head in one minute.
And that's where the true horror of Nikki's situation is revealed to us. He is condemned to live every minute locked in his insanity, continuously repeating this story in his brain. In the same sequence, in the same way, with the same details. Again, and again, and again, and again. Once a minute. Continuously reliving the story that destroyed his life.
6:01 PM
I Remember Now
1. I REMEMBER NOW
2. ANARCHY-X
3. REVOLUTION CALLING
4. OPERATION: MINDCRIME
5. SPEAK
6. SPREADING THE DISEASE
7. THE MISSION
8. SUITE SISTER MARY
9. THE NEEDLE LIES
10. ELECTRIC REQUIEM
11. BREAKING THE SILENCE
12. I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE
13. WAITING FOR 22
14. MY EMPTY ROOM
15. EYES OF A STRANGER
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